If you’ve stumbled across this article it’s probably because you’ve heard about how important clitoral stimulation can be to good sex, but you’ve got questions. Like, what techniques actually feel good? How can you incorporate clitoral stimulation during sex? Or maybe even why clitoral stimulation doesn’t feel good for you. There’s a lot to know beyond the headlines about the clitoris being a pleasure powerhouse, including some misconceptions.
In a hurry? Here are the highlights
- The clitoris is a highly nerve dense structure in the vulva. It includes the head of the clitoris, as well as the crura and vestibular bulbs.
- Clitoral stimulation can heighten sex. Adding clitoral stimulation to any kind of sex has the potential to be highly pleasurable.
- There’s direct and indirect clitorial stimulation and different techniques for each.
- There are toys made for clitoral stimulation like bullet vibes, wands, g-spot and rabbit vibrators, and suction toys.
- There are tons of techniques to stimulate the clitoris. Circular, up and down, V shaped, and side to side techniques that can be paired with different pressure, movements, speeds, and rhythms.
What Is Clitoral Stimulation?
Clitoral stimulation is exactly what it sounds like. It’s stimulating the clitoris. This could mean touching, rubbing, sliding, holding or tapping with fingers, toys, or body parts on any part of the clitoris. During sex, clitoral stimulation can refer to vibration or suction, like the Pleasure Air Technology used in the We-Vibe Melt 2.
Usually when people talk about clitoral stimulation, they’re referring to the external part of the clitoris, known as the head. This is the most nerve-dense part of the clitoris at the top of the vulva that is usually most sensitive to stimulation. But, the clitoris also extends deeper under the labia, which can be stimulated in its own way. There are literally hundreds of ways to stimulate the clitoris, which is why we’ll get into the specific techniques in this article.
Benefits of Clitoral Stimulation
The main benefit of clitoral stimulation is that it can help you feel turned on and may even make you climax. A 2017 study found that over 30% of cis women needed clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm and an additional 36% said that they didn’t need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, but that their orgasm did feel better with clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Clitoral stimulation can encourage blood flow which helps the vagina get wet. If you enjoy penetration, clitoral stimulation can relax the vaginal and pelvic muscles and lift the uterus, all of which can help increase pleasure during penetration or internal stimulation.
Direct vs Indirect Clitoral Stimulation
You’ll often hear about direct or indirect clitoral stimulation if you read up on how to stimulate the clitoris. Both can be extremely pleasurable, but not for everyone. Direct clitoral stimulation means stimulating the head of the clitoris by touching the bud or pulling back the hood of the clitoris to touch the bud. And there are a lot of different techniques you can use for direct stimulation.
Indirect stimulation, on the other hand, is any type of stimulation to the clitoris that doesn’t directly touch the head. This could mean touching the clitoral hood, making circles around the head of the clitoris, or applying pressure over the vulva or public bone. You can also indirectly stimulate the clitoris via the g-spot internally, and there are toys like g-spot vibrators or wands made for this. We’ll get into specific techniques next.
Clitoral Stimulation Tips and Techniques to Explore
If you’re new to exploring clitoral stimulation, start solo. Experiment with different areas of the clitoris, pressure, movements, speeds, and toys. Pay attention to the small signals your body gives you. What makes you want more and your muscles relax and what makes you pull away and tense up?
Experiment With Pressure
How much pressure you put on the clitoris will impact how pleasurable it feels. While the clitoris is nerve dense and very sensitive, how sensitive it actually feels is different from person to person, so the amount of pressure you need is very individual.
To experiment with pressure, start with locating the head of your clitoris by using your finger to feel the top of your vulva where your labia meet. Hold your finger or sex toy there, applying light pressure to start, or move your finger up and down, in circles, or other motions.
From there, try increasing the pressure by pressing your finger or toy harder on your clitoris. As your body becomes aroused, you will feel the clitoris get bigger and maybe more sensitive. You might find you need less pressure as it gets more sensitive, or it could be that you like more pressure with more arousal.
Take note of the amount of pressure you like by noticing how your body reacts. When you apply more pressure, do you find that you want to keep going? Do you naturally moan or exhale? Or when you apply pressure do you tense up, flinch, or naturally back off? These are all signs from your body about what feels good.
Explore Different Movements
There are different ways you can move fingers, toys, or body parts on the clitoris to elicit different sensations.
- Circles: Moving in circles around the head of the clitoris is a very common technique that reliably feels good for a lot of people. You can start with small circles barely moving around the bud of the clitoris, so the head is still under your finger the whole time. Then gradually make the circles larger so your finger is circling fully around the clitoris, not making direct contact with it..
- Up and down: Trace your finger, toy, or partner’s body part up and down the head of the clitoris. If you pay attention and feel closely, you will feel the harder tissue of the clitoris under the surface of the skin. Slide up and down this structure and see how it feels.
- V Shape: The clitoris is not just limited to the head. The crura and bulbs are also deeper underneath the labia. Stimulate the vulva in a V shape by taking two fingers and stroking the labia up and down. Start at the top of the vulva on the head of the clit. Then slowly move the fingers down the labia, applying pressure as you trace the labia. Continue gliding the fingers up and down the labia, all the way from the top of the clit of the bottom of the labia.
- Flicking or tapping: Tapping the head of the clitoris can be very pleasurable for some people. You can tap by quickly pressing the pad of your finger on the head of the clit or over the clitoral hood. You can also turn this into more of a flicking movement by making a quick, light brushing motion up or down.
- Back and forth: Just like it sounds, slide in a back and forth (left and right) movement over the head of the clitoris.
Change the Speed and Rhythm
With any movement you do, you can change the speed and rhythm to give you different sensations. If you’re going in circles, try them faster. If you’re moving up and down, try a slower pace.
Rhythm comes in when you change the pattern or timing of the movement. So this could be tapping consistently and then stopping for a second and starting again. Or moving in circles around the clit and then really slowing down and applying less pressure for a few circles, and going back to fast circles again. You can get creative with the types of sensations you can create if you play with the speed, pattern, and consistency of the moment.
While exploring, pay attention to what your body is telling you. Notice if you feel your muscles relax, body temperature increasing, and the clitoris getting larger, versus your body hesitating, wincing, or resisting.
Try Indirect Stimulation
Indirect clitoral stimulation can be really tantalizing and an erotic way to build arousal. Not just that but the clitoris is highly sensitive, so some people find direct touch to be too much. This is common and natural!
For indirect stimulation, try circling around the head of the clitoris without actually touching the clit. You can stimulate higher on the vulva, on what’s called the mons, which is the area where pubic hair grows.
You can also use the palm of your hand and cup the vulva, applying gentle or firm pressure. Or take the base of your hand and rest it on the pubic bone, gradually applying more pressure, or moving in circles. The base of your hand will disperse the pressure across the top of the vulva to more gently stimulate the clitoris.
Explore Vibration
Vibration adds an entirely new type of sensation to clitoral stimulation. A good place to start is with bullet vibrators that are designed to be used on the head of the clitoris. These will apply more precise stimulation externally to the clit. You can also use vibration inside the vagina to indirectly stimulate the clitoris by targeting the internal wall that is on the stomach side of the vagina with g-spot vibrators or rabbit vibrators.
Clitoral Stimulation With a Partner
For a lot of people, clitoral stimulation is really important for making partnered sex feel good, so it’s an important need to take seriously. And there are lots of ways to incorporate it.
Dr. Shamyra Howard specifically says “I recommend a rotation of sex toys for long term couples, including some type of quality wearable vibe which one partner can wear during foreplay or intercourse or a dual stimulating toy like a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator.”
Communicate What Feels Good
One of the most important aspects of finding clitoral stimulation that feels good with a partner is communication. You need to tell them how something feels and what you’d like to be different.
Try one word lines like “more,” “faster,” “slower,” “up,” and “down.” You can say things like “I want you to touch my clit” or “will you move your finger in circles?” You also get to use your body. Try holding your hand over your partner’s hand and physically demonstrating how you want to be touched.
Experiment Together
Moving from the mindset that partnered sex is about getting to an orgasm and into the headspace of exploration can make sex much more enjoyable. Try choosing one type of clitoral stimulation, whether it’s circles or up and down movement, and paying attention to what one specific touch feels like.
Consider asking “What happens if” questions versus yes or no questions. For example, “What happens if I change the pressure?” or “What happens when I slow down?” These questions keep you curious about the sensation instead of goal oriented thinking like “are you going to cum?”
Try Positions That Simulate The Clitoris
There are hundreds of possibilities for how to incorporate clitoral stimulation during sex. Here are few to try:
- Grinding: Ride your partner by rubbing your clitoris back and forth on their leg, stomach, chest, or penis, or vulva.
- Oral: Have your partner kiss, lick, or suck your clitoris.
- Touch your clitoris during penetration: Positions like reverse cowgirl, doggy style, or laying on your back on the edge of the bed, while your partner stands and penetrates you are all positions where the clitoris is more accessible.
- Couples vibrators: Use a couples vibrator that is made for clitoral stimulation during penetration or other play.
Using Toys for Clitoral Stimulation
There are several different types of toys designed for clitoral stimulation, and each type of toy will create a different sensation, so there’s some key things to know about each.
Clitoral Vibrators
- Bullet vibrators: Bullet vibrators typically have a tip designed to deliver concentrated stimulation to a smaller area. This will give you more targeted stimulation on the head of the clit.
- Wand vibrators: Wand vibrators are also designed for the clitoris, but have a more broad head so the stimulation is more dispersed across the clitoris.
- G-spot vibrators: G-spot vibrators, like the We-Vibe Rave 2, can be used to stimulate parts of the clitoris from inside the vagina.
- Rabbit vibrators: Rabbit vibrators, like We-Vibe Nova 2, provide both internal stimulation of the g-spot, or internal clit, while simultaneously stimulating the clitoris externally.
Air-Pulse or Suction-Style Stimulation
If you want something different than vibration, there are air-pulse or suction-style stimulation toys made to target the clitoris. “Clitoral stimulation toys use air to stimulate the clitoris in a way that feels like suction and mimics oral sex,” Dr. Jess O’Reilly explains. “These toys offer a variety of intensity levels and patterns to directly stimulate the clitoris.”
“If you’re curious about suction toys but don’t want the Rose or don’t want to jump into the deep end, this is the one to try. The Melt 2 uses air pressure to stimulate the clitoris without direct contact, so it’s gentle, precise, and feels a lot like a warm kiss that gets more intense the longer you stay with it,” Dr. Shamyra Howard says.
What If Clitoral Stimulation Feels Too Intense?
Direct stimulation on the clitoris can sometimes feel uncomfortable or overstimulating. While the clitoris does get a lot of hype for being the key to unlocking better, more pleasurable sex, it simply isn’t true for everyone. Every single person’s body is different so there’s no one thing that feels good for everyone.
If clitoral stimulation feels too intense, then don’t do it! There’s so many other erogenous zones on the body to explore, like the nipples, ears, lower stomach, back, between the thighs, the anus, vagina, or the area between the vagina and anus. If you find you have pain or challenging emotions associated with clitoral stimulation, then you might want to talk with a medical professional like pelvic floor PT, or a sex therapist.
Finding What Feels Good for You
There is no single clitoral stimulation technique that will feel good for everyone. Part of the fun is the process of figuring out what you or your partner enjoys. Try to genuinely lean into exploring and getting to know what clitoral stimulation feels like for you and how your body responds to it.
FAQs
How do you stimulate the clitoris during sex?
What is the best way to stimulate the clitoris?
Why can clitoral stimulation feel too intense?
Clitoral stimulation can feel too intense because there are so many nerve endings that can make it overstimulating or even painful for some people.
How should a beginner choose a clitoral vibrator?
A beginner should choose a clitoral vibrator by considering if you want concentrated stimulation on the clitoral head, like a bullet vibrator, or dispersed stimulation, like a wand. If you want to mimic oral sex, try a suction style toy.
What should you do if clitoral stimulation feels uncomfortable?
If clitoral stimulation is uncomfortable, don’t do it! You can try indirect clitoral stimulation or explore other erogenous zones like the nipples, ears, anus, or perineum.
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