Circumstances have you and your partner living apart. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a week or three months — it can still be hard.
Long-distance relationships require you to build closeness while you’re not physically together. This can include audio messages, video chats, or planned virtual dates. It’s a different kind of intimacy, but it’s still something you and your partner can do (and do well!) until it’s time to see each other in person.
There are plenty of ways to keep that spark alive. We have 15 ideas that you and your partner can try to boost your intimacy and sexual connection.
Only got time for a quickie?
If you’re pressed for time, we have the short and sweet version for you here:
- Intimacy is more than sex or physical touch. It’s also about feeling emotionally close and comfortable with your partner.
- Your needs can change. What is working in your relationship now might not be the case a few weeks or months from now. It’s okay to change things up and talk about what both of you need.
- Long-distance partner play is a great way to connect. Remote-controlled sex toys and couples’ toys help bring the distance between you a little closer.
- Have pressure-free conversations about couples’ toys. Talk outside the bedroom, and frame it as something that can bring you together, along with creating new, exciting experiences.
- If you’re new to couples’ toys, start out by thinking about what you want to accomplish, such as using toys during video calls, or pairing a remote-controlled vibrator with an app for discreetness even out in public.
What Does Intimacy Look Like in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Intimacy isn’t only about sex or physical contact. It also includes feeling emotionally close — the comfort of sharing experiences with another person, and feeling able and open to have honest communication.
It also includes being affectionate with each other. For many couples, that means exploring your sexual connection.
In long-distance relationships, you might prioritize some of these forms of intimacy more than others, depending on how far apart you are, how often you get to see each other, and what each of you needs in order to feel secure in the relationship.
You might speak every day, and so prioritize connecting physically or sexually when you do see each other. Or you might prefer to check in with each other emotionally and create memories together through new experiences.
It’s a good idea to communicate from time to time to find out if intimacy in your relationship is still working for you as a partnership.
15 Ways to Feel Closer in a Long-Distance Relationship
No matter where you and your partner are located, there are many ways to bring intimacy to your long-distance relationship.
1. Send Unexpected Messages or Surprises
You don’t need a special occasion to make your partner feel thought of — the small things can bring you closer just as much as big ones.
Send your partner a message with a link to a song that reminds you of them. Take a photo that makes you think about an inside joke between the two of you, or of something only your partner would understand.
Surprise them with a food delivery after they’ve had a stressful or busy day, or a coffee through a delivery service “just because.” These acts might seem like no big deal, but they tell your partner that they’ve been on your mind even when you haven’t talked in awhile.
2. Explore Digital Intimacy Together
Communicating long-distance has come a long way from a letter in the mail (but as you will find out, actual paper letters are still relevant).
Technology like video chat or messaging can make the distance between you two feel a little smaller. It’s also a way many couples stay both emotionally and sexually connected. Photos and texts are a popular way, but don’t forget about voice messaging and video calls.
The big thing to keep in mind is that your communication is consensual. Always consider consent, comfort, and privacy when you use technology for intimacy. Discuss these situations, including what each of you is comfortable sharing and how you store sensitive photos and videos on your devices.
3. Send an old-fashioned letter
Technology delivers your messages much faster, but when was the last time you wrote or received a letter?
Consider writing a letter to your partner, telling them the things you love about them, the way they make you feel, and even the things you can’t wait to do together once you’re reunited in person.
A handwritten letter takes more time than emailing or texting. It doesn’t have to be long or full of Victorian-era declarations. But even a quick note that physically comes in the mail feels so much more personal than an email that gets buried in your inbox.
4. Explore Long-Distance Partner Play
Physical touch can be the thing people miss the most in long-distance relationships. Of course, nothing can truly replace the real thing, but technology can bring you both to a close second.
Partner-controlled toys let one partner control a sex toy the other is using, as long as they have an internet connection.
Browse toys together to find ones you want to try, especially toys designed for couples in long-distance relationships, such as the Chorus Pro couples vibrator. “The ultimate couple’s toy! It’s adjustable, wearable, and comes with touch-sensitive controls so you and your partner can customize the experience,” says Dr. Shamyra Howard, a social worker and sexologist.
Imagine being able to send pleasure to your partner at the touch of a button, miles away. While one partner wears the vibrator, the other can control the pulses and intensity, creating a weak-in-the-knees feeling the other partner can bask in. (Plus, knowing your partner might be using a vibrator while sitting through a boring meeting can feel exciting and a little daring.)
With the We-Vibe app, one of you can control the vibration and intensity remotely while video or voice chatting with the other partner. Look specifically at app-controlled vibrators for intimate long-distance play.
5. Talk Openly About Intimacy
Intimacy means different things to everyone and every couple. It also doesn’t always have to imply sexual intimacy, nor is sexual intimacy necessary for every relationship.
Talk with your partner about what intimacy means to each of you. Is there anything either of you feel is missing? Does one partner crave more verbal affection, and the other is more into viewing intimate photos? What are some things that can help both of you feel more connected?
Having these conversations can also bring you closer. It can even reignite the feelings you both had at the start of the relationship. And try not to view your partner’s request as criticism, so much as something you can do to feel even closer to each other.
6. Plan Things to Look Forward To
It can be really difficult to be so far apart. Sometimes, that distance can feel more manageable when you have something to look forward to. Talk about and plan future visits or trips — and actually put them on the calendar.
Anticipation is a key part of sexual satisfaction — Planning sex for when you see each other can increase arousal so sex is more explosive when it does happen.
Give each other some fun new date ideas you can do once you’re together again. Rather than focusing on the number of days you’ve spent apart, have these mutual plans so you can feel like you’re sharing a future.
7. Keep Your Commitments
It’s much harder to blow off an in-person date than a scheduled phone call. When you’re apart, it can start to feel a lot more laid back, and that can invite either of you to casually miss that 7:00 p.m. phone call.
If you and your partner have a set time to chat, try your best to keep that commitment, or communicate early if you need to reschedule. It’s a way you can show that you prioritize the other person.
But that being said, you’re allowed to change your mind about sex when you’re together — just because you’ve been planning it for ages doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to rain check if something comes up when the moment arrives.
8. Share Goals and Support Each Other
Research shows that couples who work on goals together — even if they’re separate goals — are more likely to reach them.
If it will be some time before you see your partner in person, you might join a mutual online course, like a wine pairing or an artisan bread class, to learn something new together.
Or focus on a project you can each work on together — practice training for that 5K or 10K event from different cities to give you both something to build toward.
9. Send Each Other Audio Messages Instead of Texts
Texts are convenient, but they can’t convey things like laughs or pauses before your partner says something heartfelt or impactful. Unlike texts, sending an audio message can get your point across more genuinely.
Switch out some of your text messaging with audio messages to your partner a few times a week. Exchanging audio messages is also a great way to feel like you’re having a conversation together in the room.
10. Create a Shared Playlist
A 2025 study found that people who really enjoy music value it more in their relationships, and listening to music together helps couples connect. Build a playlist together that you share, and add songs whenever you come across one that makes you think of your partner.
Over time, this playlist can look like a musical conversation between the two of you. Play these songs when you want to feel closer to your partner.
11. Have a Virtual Movie Night
Thanks to streaming platforms, it’s easy to binge the same show or movie together no matter your distance (or time zone).
Call each other up on a phone call or video and treat yourself to a night on the couch. You can even watch a movie and text each other your reactions if video or calling on the phone isn’t possible. Spice it up with Naked Movie Night, and you can bring some extra intimacy to the game.
Regardless, it’s a way to de-stress after a busy day and still spend time together. Take turns picking what you watch, and create this ritual every week.
12. Cook a Meal Together
Choose a recipe, get on a video call, and prop up your phone or tablet. Cook a meal together from your separate kitchens. This way, you can share a romantic meal together (or even some boxed macaroni and cheese) and it can bring you closer while you’re long distance.
You can have a standing virtual date night with a new recipe or whip up something quick together and eat while you talk.
13. Read the Same Book and Discuss It
Pick a book you’re both interested in, whether it’s a paperback, digital copy, or audiobook, and agree to read it on your own time. Then, when you’re finished, come together virtually and talk about it.
This can give you an opportunity to talk about something different rather than the same conversations about your day or updates on work. It can also spark conversations you wouldn’t have otherwise.
14. Have Your Own Ritual Together
Having a daily ritual, such as a goodnight message or a photo of your morning coffee, gives both of you something to look forward to. You can even use some of the previous ideas for your ritual: a standing Tuesday night date night where you cook a meal together to share over video, or a Friday night movie in your pajamas.
The key is not to make this a habit you do without thinking, but something intentional that you share in the unpredictableness and uncertainty that can happen when you’re apart for so long.
15. Send a Care Package
Ship your partner a package of their favorite snacks, a book they’ve been wanting to read, or even a sexy toy that they can use for your next phone call.
There are plenty of exciting long-distance sex toys and sex toys for couples that you can purchase to send along for a fun surprise, like the We-Vibe Sync O couples vibrator. “You can use it while together, but it’s also perfect for long-distance play with all the bells and whistles,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, a Toronto-based sexologist.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or for a special occasion because really, it’s the thought behind it — something that shows you’ve been thinking about them. Whatever will put a smile on their face when they open it is good enough.
Finding What Helps You Feel Connected
Long-distance intimacy doesn’t have a rule book. There’s really no right or wrong way to do it, and it’s about what agrees with the two of you. Different couples may value emotional connection, shared activities, romantic gestures, or physical or sexual connection differently.
Using a mix of these tips, as well as considering the needs of you and your partner, you can find ways of connecting that feel comfortable and meaningful to both partners
Frequently asked questions about long-distance intimacy
Can remote-controlled toys help long-distance couples feel closer?
Remote-controlled toys are a great way to let long-distance couples share physical intimacy even in different locations. Of course, these toys can’t replace being together in person, but they can still be a meaningful way to stay connected between visits.
How can couples combine remote toy use with emotional intimacy?
Couples can pair remote play with a video or phone call so you can talk and connect as it’s happening. Check in with your partner before and after so that the experience is about sharing with each other rather than just a physical act.
What is a good first toy for a long-distance couple?
How do we talk about trying a couples’ toy without creating pressure?
Bring up the topic outside of the bedroom and frame it as a way to explore something new together. Make sure your partner understands that there’s no pressure to use toys and either of you can stop or change your mind anytime.
How can couples narrow down the many types of couples’ toys?
There are a ton of options when it comes to couples’ toys, and it can be overwhelming. First, think about your goal and then narrow down the list by features, such as app-controlled or a type of sex toy like a vibrator.
How do you keep the spark alive in a long-distance relationship?
To keep the spark alive in a long-distance relationship, make sure that you’re both continuing to introduce new things to do and talk about together. It might be an activity you share together, a new way of communicating remotely, or something that boosts your physical intimacy.
What should we do if a wearable couples’ toy feels uncomfortable?
If a wearable toy is feeling uncomfortable, stop using it. Check that the size and the fit are right for you, since you might have it in the wrong position or the toy is too large or small. But if it continues to feel uncomfortable, it might not be the right fit for you.
